Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
this just has baby written all over it
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
