I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Everything about him screamed your future.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
