I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize