I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
