I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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