I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
