i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
