Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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