I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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