Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
