ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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