I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
