Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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