There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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