We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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