We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
