Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
