So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He better not be in your backpack
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
