not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
