fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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