im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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