i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
