we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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