if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Houston, we have a squirter
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
