Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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