He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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