No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
