carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
