Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have post one night stand depression
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
