Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
