I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
