she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
