let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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