dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
