you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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