I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Alive.
So much puke
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize