you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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