you have to choose: penises or morals?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
