just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
