I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
