end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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