I molested 6 butterflies tonight
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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