you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm at about main and main street
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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