I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
