I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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