she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he quoted the bible to break up with me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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