we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
