If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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