Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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