Please, let me fuck your mom
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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