I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
