Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
