I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Please don't give away my fajitas
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