Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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