he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
