"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
