It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
