You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
