I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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