its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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