FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
