I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize