lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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