okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
