At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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