thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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