there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have tasted many bathrooms
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
