grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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