A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
