Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
