i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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