we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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