It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
