At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
