Umm I'm too high to move.
babies were throwing up all over the place
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
