So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
