You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
