I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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