somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
