Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
