i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
