Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
