hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Drunk is not a location!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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