A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
