When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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