she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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