just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
