the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
oh god the rape fog is back!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
