eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
