sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
