I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
