And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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