Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
