Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
