I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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