Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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