Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
