Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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