dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
