What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
