you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
