Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
