I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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